Ishmael

She flipped though the old diary with her quivering finger for the hundredth times. The sun streamed though the window and splashed on her face, age had framed her beautiful feature with wrinkles.
“Time for your medicine Mrs. Wiggins.” the nurse, interrupted the light reading as she bended down and offered Mrs. Wiggins a cup of water and two pink pills. The old lady looked up puzzled. “Its for your heart Mrs. Wiggins, remember? The doctor prescribed it for you.” A faint glint showed in her eyes as the old lady nodded and took her pills. The nurse checked the heart monitor attached to the Mrs. Wiggins to see that it is in proper working order. “Will you be alright Mrs. Wiggins? If you feel faint or a pain in your chest don’t hesitant to press alarm button for help.” the nurse advised Mrs. Wiggins.
The old lady nodded and faintly smiled at the nurse before she returned to the diary. The letters on the pages were fading with age and the stencil on the front page wrote out a name: Clara Wiggins. She leafed through some pages until she stopped at a date.

October 11th
“I have been role-playing with some friends on-line. It was fun. I created my own character and had him be someone who annoys everyone by his obnoxious sarcasm. He, he.
I wish there was some kind of portal where you walk in and become someone else… Just for one day. Wont that be fun? I think so.  I‘m going out with my boyfriend to a dinner tonight! I’m so exited!”

Mrs. Wiggins smiled a sad smile, my beautiful Clara what had happened to you? If you had told me..  She absent-mindedly continued to read the diary to the end for the thousandth times.

October 12th:
“My boyfriend broke up with me. We got in a fight last night and I found out my so-called friend is going out with him. That’s not fair! Not nice either. I thought she was on my side, well I also found out she has been seeing my dipshitty boyfriend after we started to go out on dates. “Clara I didn’t want to hurt your feeling by telling you the truth.” Bah! Hurt my feeling? I’m very hurt right now by the fact you have lied to me all those time. I’m so mad I want to rip him to shreds! Guys if you ever read this.. Here’s a tip, truth may hurt, but lying is worse. I saw my ex kissing my former friend by his locker this morning. I walked up and gave him a punch in the nose and screamed at him. Boy that felt good. He ended up going to hospital with broken nose and I got suspended from school, but still… That felt good.

Mrs. Wiggins laughed a small laugh as a tear ran from her eye and down her cheek. I really missed you Clara.

October 14th
“My ex looked awful with bruises and nose brace when I saw him.. I’m still hurt by his treachery, maybe few years later I might look back and laugh at this whole nose thing, but not right now. Mr. Broken Nose has been telling his friends that I dumped him out of spite. That yellow belly jackass.”

November 23rd
“I know I’m not writing much… It’s that stupid chemistry exam I had to study for. I’m depressed. I don’t know why, I’m just that way. The class exam was awful… I think I will fail this semester. Here’s a news flash. Mr. Broken Nose broke up with my ex-friend. He found out that she has been going out with some other guy, now isn’t that hilarious? Ha-ha.

History is repeating self.

I’m going to bed now… I still feel like the whole world is against me.”

January 5th
“I know I haven’t been writing often. So many things happened. Some good, some bad. We moved into a new house last month since the old one was discovered to have absinthe. Our old dog, Sandy, just died in sleep few days ago.

I cried a lot.

I believe that when people die, they become reborn in the next life. I think I will be a boy  in the next life, I have always wondered what it would be like to be a boy instead of girl.

January 21st
Sorry that I have been neglecting you Diary. I didn’t feel like writing much the last few months. I have been wondering what after death is like.. You know. Do you become a ghost or whatnot?  I wonder if there is heaven, or hell, or even God.”

January 24th
“I’m tired of going through this. I’m tired of life. Maybe if I go away everything will be better with my family and friends.”

February 3rd
You know, when I get reborn, I going come back as a boy with brown hair and green eyes. I’m not sure what his name will be, maybe something from the bible like Elijah or Ishmael. That would be neat. Maybe that’s just a wishful thinking. What if there’s no after death or rebirth? What if we are really just bunch of atoms clobbered together and when we die, we fall apart and every one of our atom goes their own way?

I dunno.”

February 16th
I made up something.. ‘Row, row, row your boat not so gently down the stream. Miserably, miserably, miserably, life is horrid.’

Are you there God? Because I could use some help now.”

February-
“I think I’m gonna to go. Life will be better off without me. I’m just so tired of living this way.

I think I will come back as a boy. So look for a guy with green eye, brown hair and small dimple that don’t show until you look closely. If his name is from the bible then its me in my new shell. I’m certain its Ishmael. Pretty name.

I found a gun in the drawer in the den.”

The old lady closed the book abruptly, the old, faded paper crinkled out of protest against her tight pressing hand. She cried silently for a moment and wiped her tears away . I don’t know about your idea of rebirth Clara. I wish it was so, but I will keep a eye out. Oh Clara I wish you hadn’t left the earth.

A male nurse came up and tapped on Mrs. Wiggins’ shoulder and spoke as she looked up. “You have a visitor Mrs. Wiggins. Its your cousin.” The woman stared at the man vaguely and nodded, not completely sure if she had caught every word, but she knew that her cousin is here.  A tall woman strode in and hugged Mrs. Wiggins, “Agnes, how wonderful to see you again! Have those people been taking a good care of you?”
“Yes, they have”, Mrs. Wiggins smiled at her boisterous cousin and noticed a boy who was lagging behind a bit as he was looking over the room with curiosity.  “Who’s that Mary?”
Mary looked behind, “Oh! I nearly forgot,” she exclaimed as she grabbed the boy and brought him forward, “This is my distant cousin, seventh cousin or something, I have been in contact with some of my relatives. You know, family tree thing.” She grinned at Mrs. Wiggins.
The boy shyly smiled at her and spoke a hello.
Mary nudged him, “Oh come on you needn’t to be shy!” She turned Mrs. Wiggins and said, “He’s like that with new people, but when you get to know him. He’s hilarious, but beware of his sarcasm.” The woman chuckled as the boy protested in his defense. “You should know Agnes, its getting hard nowadays to keep him away from the computers. He just love to do those…What do you call it?” Mary turned to face the boy for a moment but turned away just as he begin to open his mouth, “Oh yes… ROLE-playing. Honestly I don’t know why anyone would want to do..”

He interrupted her, “But Mary! Everyone is doing it! Its fun!” They began to squabble.

Mrs. Wiggins watched the boy with interest as he argued with Mary, there was something familiar about him. Such familiarity that clenched her heart.  She wondered where she had seen him before, the vague memory and familiarity nagged at her.
“Ah, excuse me.” She interrupted the conversation when the two paused in their argument. “You looked familiar. Have we met before?” she asked the boy.

“Me?” he looked at her puzzled. “No, we haven’t met before. Not until this woman dragged me here.” he grinned and Mary pinched his arm.

“Ow!” he rubbed his arm and shot Mary a look of mock hurt expression.

Mrs. Wiggins asked again, her weak heart beating like a drumstick against her chest, “I don’t think you told me your name. If you did, I have a poor memory.” She looked straight into his green eyes.

The boy smiled easily, two small dimples magically appeared with the help of the shadow, “I’m Ishmael.”

The heart monitor beeped wildly and the line went flat.